Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
