You're a womanizer and a bitch.
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
