Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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