Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
