he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
