dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Randomize
