guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Randomize
