The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
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