I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
