Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
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My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
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So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
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