I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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