I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
