Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
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Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
It's official drugs can't kill me
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
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I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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