Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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