Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
I have feelings that need drinking.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
