i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
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