goodnight i made you a song goodbye
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
