I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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