Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
