I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
our cab driver is having phone sex.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
