cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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