Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
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