they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Randomize
