I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
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