I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Your penis caused this!
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