you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
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