i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
True college students do jello shots in the library
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