that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
