The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
is that a dick in a sweater?
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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