You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
Tell her she can't have a vagina
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Randomize
