the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
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