$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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