My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
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Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
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The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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