but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
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