i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
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