Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
