here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
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