i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
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