first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
