I'll bet she douches with gravy.
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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