tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
that's an acceptable place to lick
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
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