I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Randomize
