Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
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