first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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