writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
