I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
