PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I currently don't understand fingers.
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