Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
