it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
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i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
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