I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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