Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
