i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
