Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
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