you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Randomize
