That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
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