His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
