Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Randomize
