her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
