You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Randomize
