Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
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