Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Randomize
