youre lurking in front of me
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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