So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
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