FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
